Self Sabotage

As anyone who has done any research on weight loss knows, many people fall into the trap of self sabotage. Most of them have deep seated emotional issues that are blocking them from true success, and all their efforts at losing weight will be for naught until they figure out what the real problem is. You've seen it on The Biggest Loser...Jillian yells at people in the gym (usually women) until they cry, at which point their real issues come to the surface, they talk about it, and the person seems to turn a corner and get on with the business of working out and losing weight.

I don't think my problem is THAT deep seated. I don't harbor hidden angst regarding my parents, I've already got a pretty strong personality, people generally don't take advantage of me or make me a doormat, etc. I do, however, have a serious issue with junk food. I spend a lot of time on my own, driving around town running errands, going to/from the Twin Cities for hockey, or making the trip to/from Faribault to get my Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating (SSHE) food. There is nobody (but me) who will know if I stop for an oatmeal creme pie at the Kwik Trip or if I whip through the McDonald's drive thru for a biscuit, despite having just finished my SSHE breakfast. I can always stop for gas or something and ditch the evidence before I get home, so the hubster will never know exactly what I've been eating. Well, he will now that I've posted it here, but you get my drift.

There's only so much I can do to separate myself from temptation. I have no junk food in the house (those bomb pops in the freezer belong to hubby and for some reason don't tempt me at all, so I don't count them) and I've asked him to get his own lotto tickets so I don't have that as an excuse to visit the Kwik Trip yet again. He thinks that's the lamest thing in the world...that I should be able to walk into a store and buy a lotto ticket without buying the candy bars that in my mind seem to go with entering the building. Well, my response is that you wouldn't send a drug addict into a crack house to buy a Powerball ticket, so don't ask me to get you one at the Kwik Trip. Granted, most crack houses probably aren't lotto retailers, but you get the idea.

Oddly, I don't seem to have these issues when shopping at the grocery store or Target. Seems to be convenience stores and well placed fast food drive thrus that are undoing all the killer exercise I've been getting lately. Seriously...I KNOW what to eat, I KNOW I need to plan ahead for snacks, and I KNOW that this crap is terrible for me, but lately none of that seems to stop me from killing myself from the inside out. I don't get it. I've been successful at weight loss before, my husband isn't threatening to leave if I don't get skinny, and otherwise my life is pretty good. He's beginning to talk about some kind of counseling, but I wouldn't even know who to go to, because I don't think this is really something that merits the expense of a no kidding Psychologist or whatever.

I have reached out to an online friend who recently became certified as a Life Coach and needs people to practice on, so for now we'll see where that goes. Embarrassingly, I have also gone back to my old system of giving myself a cute little sticker on the calendar for every day that I avoid junk/fast food. Very Kindergarten, I know, but it has worked in the past. Today's date is currently sporting a very nice, sparkly, red happy face.

If anyone else has any insight on this particular form of self sabotage, I would love to hear it.